Grief in the Digital Age, Sharing with Care
Stories of loss are deeply personal, intimate, raw, and meaningful. The way we share these stories has evolved alongside the internet, from early online memorials in the 1990s to social media becoming a central space for mourning. By the 2010s, sharing grief online had become mainstream, with researchers starting to explore its impact on healing and community. Today, TikTok, Instagram, and other platforms amplify grief content in ways that can foster connection but also raise ethical concerns, blurring the lines between remembrance, storytelling, and spectacle.
As grief becomes increasingly visible online, so does the need for thoughtful, ethical sharing that honours both the bereaved and the deceased. For those who work in grief support or who share publicly about loss, the impact of these narratives extends beyond storytelling. They shape cultural perceptions of grief, influencing how people feel they should mourn. With that influence comes a responsibility, one that should be approached with thoughtfulness and ethical intent.
From Online Memorials to Personal Narratives of Loss
Since the late 1990s, there have been multiple ways of sharing grief online, from digital memorials, to Facebook introducing Memorial Pages in 2009 and now, the rise in sharing personal narratives of loss on Instagram & Tik Tok.
I’ve been writing about grief online since 2018. Over the past few years, I have noticed a shift in the way grief is being shared on social media. Part of this shift may be incentivized by the social media platforms themselves. Their algorithms favouring high engagement and emotionally charged content, have made grief a subject that is not just shared but at times performed. Some of the most widely circulated grief-related posts often rely on shock value involving graphic details, images of loved ones at the end of life, and deeply personal disclosures designed to evoke strong reactions. While these posts may generate significant engagement, they also raise some ethical concerns.
The question that must be asked is: At what cost?
The most viral grief content is not always the most responsible or the most supportive. When content is created to maximize engagement rather than offer insight, it can have unintended and even harmful consequences.
Is this Content Activating or Supportive?
Not everything labeled as “grief support” is actually supportive.
Many people turn to social media in grief, seeking comfort, validation, or simply a sense that they are not alone. But when content is built around raw, unprocessed pain without context or care, it can leave people feeling more isolated rather than less. A deeply personal story of loss or a photo of someone at the end of life, shared with the intent of creating connection, might instead leave someone feeling activated or overwhelmed. What is engaging to one person can be deeply distressing to another, especially in the early months or years of loss. This is not to say that grief should be sanitized, that it must always be made palatable for others. But when we share publicly, particularly when working in grief support, we hold a responsibility. Not to the algorithm, but to the bereaved.
Consent and the Dignity of the Deceased
Grief is personal, but the stories we tell often involve more than just ourselves. The deceased, the people we love and grieve, cannot consent to how they are remembered online. And while their memory may belong to us, their image, their final moments, their most vulnerable experiences are not always ours alone to share. Families, friends, and communities may have different feelings about what should or shouldn’t be made public. And there is something to be said about leaving some moments sacred.
Before posting, it’s worth asking:
Does this image or story preserve their dignity?
Who else is affected by this post?
Will this be seen by people unprepared to process it?
Sharing photos or videos of the deceased, especially in moments of vulnerability, like hospital stays or funerals, raises ethical concerns. What may feel like an act of remembrance to one person may feel like an exposure of grief too raw for another.
How to Share About Grief in a Way That is Thoughtful, Ethical, and Deeply Human
Whether we are grief professionals or simply sharing our own stories, the people on the other side of the screen are grieving too. So how do we share about grief in a way that is meaningful rather than performative? That connects rather than exploits? That truly serves rather than simply engages?
1. Prioritizing Education & the Needs of the Bereaved
The most supportive grief content is often reflective, educational, and validating. It helps people reflect on & understand their own mourning. Prioritizing education means shifting the focus from personal catharsis to collective meaning-making. It means acknowledging the complexities of loss rather than presenting a single, simplified narrative. It means offering solidarity and insight rather than seeking validation or visibility.
2. Sharing from a Place of Reflection, Not Unprocessed Pain
Grief is raw, and it is real. But when we share from a place of pain that has not yet been processed, we run the risks of overexposure, of experiencing vulnerability hangovers, and the potential for unsolicited, often harmful, feedback from an audience that may not be equipped to respond with care. This is not to say we must be fully “healed” before we speak about our grief, as grief does not resolve in neat endings, but when we give ourselves time to process before we publish, we create from a place of stability rather than survival. This ensures that we are not placing the burden of our unprocessed emotions onto our audience or sharing “lessons” that we have not yet fully understood, ones that may evolve as we continue to integrate our loss.
3. Respect, Dignity, and Consent
While loss affects the living, the deceased remain at the center of the story.
It’s helpful to consider:
Would the person who has died have wanted this to be shared?
Have I received the consent of other family members or close loved ones before making this public?
Am I preserving the dignity of the deceased, or am I using their death as a vehicle for engagement?
5. Using Experience as a Touchstone, Not a Template
The way we experience and process grief it is deeply personal. One of the most common pitfalls I witness in online grief spaces is assuming that what worked for one person will work for all. Personal stories can be powerful. They create connection, validation, and hope. But they should be used as touchstones, ways to relate, not templates for how grief should unfold.
When we position our own grief as the “right” way to mourn, we risk alienating those whose experiences differ. Instead of offering certainty, we can offer curiosity: This is what helped me, what has helped you? The best grief content holds space rather than prescribing a path. It invites multiple perspectives, rather than reinforcing a singular one.
Final Thoughts: Honouring Grief in the Digital Age
Social media has changed the way we grieve. It has given us platforms to express our pain, to find connection, and to break the silence around loss. But with this new visibility comes responsibility. Because grief itself is not content. It is love. It is loss. It is the weight & complexity of what it means to be human.
And these stories, along with our loved ones, deserve reverence.